Praxis: You're my nemesis

Next Thursday I will be taking the Praxis I exam. I will be taking the writing section for the fourth time, and I can tell you frankly that I am not excited taking it. It's a basic test that measures your ability in math, reading and writing. In order to get into ISU's education program, every student must take the exam before they are allowed to take any upper-division courses. Fortunately, I have jumped through every other hoop in order to get into this program. This is my only barrier from achieving my goals.
When I write this blog, probably to an empty audience, there is no timer that tracks the seconds of my unwritten page or the thoughts that I scramble to form words together cohesively, grammatically,structurally and, Lord willing, spelled correctly. My thesaraus is ready at my command to help me find that perfect adjective to describe my plain subject. I know that a professional schooled in the art of the English language will not scrutinize my every mistake as my Praxis test will be. I will not have to wait for weeks on end to see what this professional thought of my opinion and ability to bring forth that opinion in thirty-flipping minutes. Right now, at this moment in my life, the Praxis Writing Test is my nemesis. It feels like my nemesis because it makes me feel less than I know I am. In October when I had received my second poor score, I called my mother as tears trickled down my face in the loneliness of my vehicle in the parking lot. I told her how incapable I felt. I told her about all of the people I had known that had whipped through this test no problem. Not to my surprise, in the busyness of her own life she sacrificed some time and words of encouragement that lifted my broken spirit. She reminded me of how far I had come. As the first in our immediate family to complete as much post-secondary work as I have, she told me how proud she was to call me daughter. She reminded me of the battles that I have faced and won and that I was NOT going to go out without the victory.
As I study for this test, I have to remind myself of these moments and move past my thoughts of pity that discourage me. Most of all, I am reminded that I am here in this time for a purpose and I can't possibly do it on my own. My good mentor Joyce Rogers told me once, "If it's God's will, you can't stop it from happening." If it's His will I become a teacher, He will make sure it happens. So far, He's kept me from going on any other path so I guess I'm going to keep following His direction.