You

November 18, 2010

It was approximately a year ago when I met you. Is it wrong that I still think about you? From your perspective, we weren't very close, but I feel like there could have been something. We talked about things that mattered and laughed about ridiculous absurdities. I loved the way you talked about your faith as if you couldn't live without it. I loved when you listened to people while they were talking to you,  and you seemed to care about the subject as if it were close to your heart also. I loved that you had convictions you weren't afraid to speak up for and that your passion for justice would come forth in your words and action. I loved that you treated others with respect despite their appearance. You seemed to fit the equation of my desire in a partner.

As every young woman does, I imagined our lives together submersed in happiness because we found each other. Our identities complimented each other as if to complete a perfect union.

What is a girl to do when these feelings take over? Is she supposed to let the opportunity of love pass her by as she hopes he will approach her?  Will he think less of her if she's the one to pursue? What if all she wants is not to be the one pursuing? But what if the feelings are mutual and she hasn't given the right "hints?"

I think back at my decision-making process as I tossed and turned, prayed and sought wise council. So I played "the friend" role as it was another opportunity to spend time and get to know you. In the end, that's all I really wanted, to be with my best friend. As a friend, I let you meet my friends and be the life of the party in hopes you might come to find your niche. One day, I couldn't take not knowing how you felt, so I dared to ask if you wanted to get to know me and only me. To my dismay, you respectfully declined as you were already attached to someone. You were afraid it might come across wrong.

When I received your message, I tried to keep my composure as I held back my tears. Finally, I let them come as they were my only comfort in that moment. I was embarrassed that I tried. I had read all of the signals wrong and was now left to pretend as if nothing ever happened.

Today, I think about you when I drive past your building, when I hear someone say the famous words of Michael Scott, "that's what she said," and when I see a Mac computer (which is a lot!). I think about the girl you were with and wondered what she was like.  She must have had something that I didn't have. I wonder if she's still in your life and if you ever think of me. Did you ever think of me?

Wouldn't it be nice...to be thought of?